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Posted on 2008.10.20 at 01:27
on tuesday, in the span of 3 hours, i managed to spill a bottle of sparkling water in my bed, step squarely into my tv dinner, and lock myself out of my room in my towel. also, when i tried to pick up a prescription, the pharmacy told me i was no longer covered under my health insurance. yes, when i let my thoughts paddle furiously upstream, my tangible world tends to fall apart too. and these events snowballed nicely into a full-blown anxiety attack that included treats such as uncontrollable crying, tightening of the chest, and nausea. luckily, it was eventually mellowed out by an obscene amount of olympia genuine draft, the honeyed vocals of sharon jones, and the oddly encouraging words of a friend:

you've got to make your shit work for you.

shit's not working for me at work. the beige file cabinets, the cliched shiny friday donuts, the sheer number of black slacks in the office on any give day, have become too much to take. i've also learned that wills, trusts, collections, leases, prenuptial agreements—they're all the glorified pushing of money from one person to another, and ultimately one and the same. i imagine the attorneys schlepping wheelbarrows overflowing with gold bricks and rubber-banded stacks of cash around the office. everything is transactional, even our verbal exchanges: how-are-you-good-how-are-you.

i got weepy as i explained all of this to an old professor of mine over pumpkin spice lattes. she doesn't think i'm unreasonable for being unable to find redeeming qualities in working at a law firm. (sidenote: she says she often tells her students about her unwavering idealist. that's me!) she also thinks my temptations to go back to the city would be running in the wrong direction; she sees me out in the county. and she's right. for what i care about, i am right now in the perfect place.

and tonight on my walk home from a pizza date, i kind of fell in love with bellingham all over again. as i walked past that big welcome to bellingham sign on state street, i remembered how i used to watch the bay from cold storage's webcam when i lived in seattle, and how i missed the slightly brighter colors, the slightly colder winters, and the exponentially higher quality of life.

Comments:


is it just me? or is it just myself?
operator_error at 2008-10-22 15:43 (UTC) (things that are)
i live out in the county, so i sometimes forget how quaint and amazing bellingham can be. it's nice to go downtown on the weekends and see everyone bustling around. the town breathes, and it's nice. seattle is insanely cluttered and claustrphobic and bizzare to me. i miss the city, but eh...

my roommate and i were playing at the farmers market not too long ago and a marching band came roaring through there with jugglers and dancers and acrobats and everything imbetween. i mean, i can go into town and experience that sort of randomness on the weekend and escape back to the woods during the week.

what's not to love?
my files are scattered, sometimes backwards
can_i_be_her at 2008-10-23 05:05 (UTC) (things that are)
yes, i LOVE the county. my 5-year plan is to buy a yurt, get a couple of chickens, and can my own food and whatnot. where in the county do you live? i have this idea in my head that i'd like to move to acme.

and . . . don't ask me how i made the connection, but i believe we have a friend in common: charlie!
is it just me? or is it just myself?
operator_error at 2008-10-23 15:02 (UTC) (things that are)
i live in custer...well, outside of custer. on about 5 acres, 7 chickens a garden..a couple of shacks and a barn. i can't take credit for the chickens or the garden though, that's all my roommate..you two would probably get along splendidly, she grows a lot of her own food and is super into her chickens.

it's pretty nice, i work in blaine so it's close to the chocolate factory. it's not like the farm i grew up on in texas...we had cows, rabbits, guineas, peacocks, horses, dogs, chickens, etc etc... my closest neighbor was five miles away. i spent a lot of time battling trees with wooden swords and playing in creeks and such. it was awesome.

i'm not much of a country boy by any means, but i like living in the sticks...i went from downtown austin to here, so the removal of sirens and busses from my life has been amazing.

how do you know charlie? i play music with her husband. charlie is aweomse..she's so canadian! i'm still amused by canadians since i'm (relatively) new to the area...
(Deleted comment)
is it just me? or is it just myself?
operator_error at 2008-10-24 17:05 (UTC) (things that are)
well, although custer does sound like an appetizing town, it is in fact far from it. 'downtown' custer is about 5 miles from me..it consists of a bar and a country store.

i work at a chocolate factory, however, and we have plenty of good desserts here, so all is not lost. sample rooms = danger.
my files are scattered, sometimes backwards
can_i_be_her at 2008-10-24 16:50 (UTC) (things that are)
everytime i hear someone say "custer" i think of "custard," so although i've never been, i think of custer as this quaint and magical town that has really good desserts - not unlike edison.

charlie posted this ADORABLE craigslist ad saying that she wanted more girlfriends. so we met up, and yes, i'm quite amused by her myself!
Rosie
rosiewoodboat at 2012-06-22 12:41 (UTC) (things that are)
Ahoy, do you still exist? -Rosie
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