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Posted on 2008.04.18 at 11:01
i suppose i should play this like a chess piece, be happy it makes it easier to leave, but it still stings that to you, i’ve been demoted to a two-day piece of fish on the first day. or whatever that saying is. i didn’t mean to invade, perhaps i’ve made myself too at home in you. by anne lamott’s definition of home (where when you show up, they have to let you in) i guess you obliged, but do not worry, i will not ask again.

i’m on the train. rushing by water and boxcars alike. at the station, there was a group of seniors headed for vancouver. one perky old woman in a fanny pack was talking about a friend of hers whose husband was in the hospital for a heart attack. the friend is behind in house payments because she doesn’t know how to write a check. that fragile, egg-like kind of dependency is such a foreign antibody. to trust that someone will forever show up, keep the ball smooth and rolling, and sign, sign, sign the checks (or for that matter, even keep breathing) is well, kind of like living in a constant state of jumping off the dock—exhilarating with when it works out with maybe a little saltwater in the mouth, but definitely no barnacle scrapes to the feet.

Comments:


Rosie
rosiewoodboat at 2008-04-19 02:05 (UTC) (things that are)
beautiful.
delicious ambiguity
__gaia__ at 2008-04-23 18:59 (UTC) (things that are)
i never comment on the random posts i read, but this was too lovely not to.
(i saw your post in the bham community - i lived there, moved to seattle, and am considering moving back as well...)
my files are scattered, sometimes backwards
can_i_be_her at 2008-04-25 03:42 (UTC) (things that are)
oh, that really means a lot.

really.

and you should definately move back to bellingham! it would love to have you.
delicious ambiguity
__gaia__ at 2008-04-25 23:56 (UTC) (things that are)
i added you; you should add me back.
:)
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